My One Thing

“Each man is capable of doing one thing well. If he attempts several, he will fail to achieve distinction in any.”
- Plato

“Do not try to do everything. Do one thing well.”
– Steve Jobs


You know, it may be entirely possible that I’m spending too much time and energy on all of my writing and running efforts; for all I know, my true calling might lay elsewhere.

At least, that was the thought that came to mind after a copy of April 2012’s Men’s Health magazine arrived in my mailbox:

The publisher sent me a copy free of charge after soliciting my consulting services for an article in this issue – but unfortunately, it’s not for any of the glamorous topics you see mentioned here. I don’t have huge biceps, and I’m certainly not Special Forces fit. I don’t know how to melt your gut. And I can’t even claim I know what a Sexplosion is, let alone pretend to be an expert at it.

Rather, my contribution was in a lower-profile feature titled “How to Do Everything Better” – but that’s not my piece on the first page describing how to host a poker game …

… or the smaller caption a couple of pages further that explains how to score a free hotel upgrade. Rather, my part is the small red box at the lower center, which if you look closer …

… diagrams the perfect technique for launching a snot rocket. And if you look REALLY closely at the 4-point font underneath, you’ll see two sources cited: some fancy-pants physician instructor at a major medical school, and me, with the not-quite-as-grandiose title of “Blogger.” (On the plus side, at least my degree didn’t rack up a six-figure debt.)

Apparently over the years I’ve developed an online reputation as an expert in the fine art of snot rocketry, almost entirely thanks to this little treatise I penned a number of years ago. Since its original publication, the piece gets picked up regularly by other web-media outlets, and ranks toward the top of most snot rocket-related Google searches. While I wasn’t looking, I became one of the foremost authorities on the art of forcibly expelling snot from your nostrils. I’m sure my family is exceedingly proud.

(Incidentally, Google also subscribes to the “Do one thing well” philosophy that’s simultaneously as old as Plato and as visionary as Steve Jobs; check out item number two on this list.)

The funny part is, for major publications like Men’s Health, snot rocketry is serious business. In preparation for the postage stamp-sized garden of knowledge you see on the page, I was contacted by a fact-checker from the magazine, with whom I had the following exchange:

Her: I have the edited version of the information you provided - I hope you will take a moment to review it for accuracy:

"Lightly breathe through your nagging nostril. In one swift motion, seal the opposite nostril tightly with the pad of your index or thumb, rotate your hips and shoulders toward the direction of fire, inhale through your mouth, close your mouth and then exhale vigorously in one swift blast through the nose. Wait until you have a full load before launching, as thinner mucous is more likely to spray."

Me: That’s pretty much accurate – I don’t think I used the term “nagging nostril”, though.

Her: The editor says it means you can check if you need to clear the mucus by breathing lightly through the nostril that seems clogged. If you can't blow easily through, then you may need to clear it. Does that make sense?

Me: Got it - that makes sense. Funny (and kind of gross) that we're getting so scientific about snot rockets.

Her: Yes, it's kind of gross.


Then I had to approve a rough draft of the diagram that somebody probably got paid to sketch:

If I remember correctly, I used to doodle things like this in chemistry class a long time ago, never realizing there could be a future career in it.

So now I’m sort of lamenting the fact that so many of my years may have been misguided. I’ve spent all this time trying to be a writer, gear resource, and minimalist shoe expert, when what I really should have been doing is leveraging my one true area of expertise. And who knows? Maybe I’ll find my new calling to be just as rewarding; as Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived - that is to have succeeded.”  And a booger-free nose definitely breathes easier than a snot-clogged one.

Yes, quoting Emerson is a pretty highbrow statement on the subject of snot rockets – but then again, that’s what an expert does.



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